It was Saturday, January 31st. All I wanted him to do was help me load a heavy chair from my garage into a borrowed truck. Simple. I was 45; he had just turned 29. The following Friday we decided to get married and did so three weeks later, exactly four weeks after that fateful Saturday when my life changed forever.
On February 28, 2013, we celebrated our 26th anniversary. He still thinks I’m eye candy and I still think he’s the sexiest, most wonderful man in the world.
I know exactly what I did to go from twice-divorced and miserable to meeting the man of my dreams in a few short weeks. What I did is the subject of this blog and my book, “Ten Weeks to Love.”
Last Wednesday, March 25th, I had the great pleasure of being on a panel of relationship and dating experts and coaches talking to over 100 single men and women to answer the question, “Why are we still single?”
The concept—of bringing single men and women together to ask THEIR questions of the panel of experts—was the brainchild of Elizabeth Castillo, Executive Producer and Brian Howie, Producer and Host of the Great Love Debate brand (www.greatlovedebate.com). Last year—their first—they did over 50 events throughout the U.S. and Canada! A lot of work, but the concept has rapidly gained in popularity everywhere they go!
Producer and host, Brian Howie!
Even when it’s the right thing to do.
My second marriage ended with my husband forcing me out of our home. He didn’t physically push me out the door. Instead he said such demeaning and disparaging things to me that leaving was the only choice if I was to retain what small amount of self-respect I still had. So with great bravado and anger (“I’ll show you!” sprinkled with a few cuss words), I stormed out taking with me what few possessions I could fit in my small car.
When I came back the next day to try to fix things—for the umpteenth time—I discovered that he had had all the locks changed and moved his girlfriend into “my” house! Devastated doesn’t begin to reflect how I felt. Several months later, he told me—somewhat tearfully—that I was better off without him in my life and that forcing me out was, in his view, the best thing he could have done for me. How sweet! Though not feeling very gracious about his considerate actions on my behalf, I came to realize that he was absolutely right!
Arguing… not fun!
I’ve been working on a new 25-minute talk to let people know that they’re not alone in their quest for love, with tips for how to achieve their goals. It’s a good talk—or so I thought! But even as I believed my audiences would stand up and cheer my brilliance, I also knew that there’s no substitute for speaking in front of a live audience to make sure you’re on the right track.
So last Friday, I invited a bunch of people over to my home to listen and provide feedback. And oh boy, did they ever give feedback!! Fortunately, I got all of it on video because being caught up in the moment as I was, I could not have otherwise remembered everything that was said.
It’s not that my intended talk was bad. It just wasn’t relevant, especially as compared with the material covered AFTER my formalized speech! In my self-imposed vacuum (you know, writers do some of their best work alone behind closed doors), I thought I was on the mark, that my message was clear. Turns out, it was mostly clear to me because I knew the backstory already—I lived it! And my audience, not being in my head, didn’t know how I got from Point A to Point B! My prepared talk had holes in it.
My sunroom was the perfect location for the talk!
In some circles I’m known as the plant killer. I’ve been given—or purchased—plants of various types all my life. I love plants, which is why it’s been so shameful and devastating when they don’t survive cohabitation. What is frustrating is that I think I’m doing right by them, a notion which is sadly disabused when the leaves start turning yellow and going limp (a sure sign that I’m overwatering them).
(The only consistent exception is philodendron. I’ve not been able to kill them no matter what I do, which is why you will see many of them at my home.)
Therefore, it is with great pride that I tell you that those lovely orchid plants that I was given about a year ago are not only still here, but all four of them are blooming again?!! OMG! I am so stoked!
My beautiful orchids, thriving in my spa room!
When it comes to a viewpoint about marriage, I’m a fan. While hardly reflecting a traditional start, Angelina Jolie’s comments on marriage mirror some of my own thoughts.
“It did change [after marriage],” Jolie told NBC’s Tom Brokaw about her relationship with Pitt in November. “We were fortunate enough to be in that unusual situation. We got married with our children and they were part of the ceremony and they wrote some of the vows. It was all of us agreeing to be together and to just commit to this life together. Not because we had to, not because anything was missing in our lives… because we were absolutely sure we felt that much of a family. It was really lovely.”
Jolie and Pitt… they certainly seem to be a lovely couple in every way!