It was Saturday, January 31st. All I wanted him to do was help me load a heavy chair from my garage into a borrowed truck. Simple. I was 45; he had just turned 29. The following Friday we decided to get married and did so three weeks later, exactly four weeks after that fateful Saturday when my life changed forever.
On February 28, 2013, we celebrated our 26th anniversary. He still thinks I’m eye candy and I still think he’s the sexiest, most wonderful man in the world.
I know exactly what I did to go from twice-divorced and miserable to meeting the man of my dreams in a few short weeks. What I did is the subject of this blog and my book, “Ten Weeks to Love.”
I did a radio show last Saturday morning. We had a great time! One of the questions that came up was did I believe that a person has only one soulmate or more? Great question!
Just as we have several or many good and even “best” friends throughout a lifetime, I believe a person can have more than one soulmate—someone with whom we share a profoundly close connection on many levels; someone who knows us without having to know a lot about us; someone committed to our happiness and fulfillment and who takes joy in our accomplishments, large and small; someone with whom we take comfort physically—after all, love relationships are different and beyond being friends!
My horses, Bazan and Miata. I don’t know that they are soulmates, but they are most definitely best friends!
Here is the list that I promised you in part one!
- How much do you and your prospective mate want each other to succeed, both professionally and personally? Do you each rejoice in the other’s happiness, even if it is achieved through individual rather than mutual effort?
- How much do you contribute to each other when solving problems? Can you each be constructive in offering advice, without the need to demand the other “Do what I say!”
- Are you both 100% committed to the relationship? Are you both willing to work through the inevitable issues that come up in life? Do each of you take 100% responsibility for what happens in the relationship? This is not to deny individual responsibility, but to require that both people are 100% committed to working out solutions.
Charley and I at Mt. Bonnell in Austin early this year when we went to visit our wonderful daughter, Amy.
In my conversations with people, a routine question that comes up is the importance of knowing—and liking—yourself as a fundamental step in finding a healthy, loving and lasting relationship.
While that is true—and something I stress—at what point do you know yourself well enough to feel confident that your choice of a mate today will reflect who you become in the future?
Do we not evolve and grow over time? Do we not discover things about ourselves to take us to new heights? Might our needs and desires change? For that matter, might experiences “teach us” that we are no match for what life throws at us, causing us to become less than what we once were? Would our choice of a mate today be the same choice of mate for our future selves?
My cat, Milo, demonstrating a little too much self-reflection.