Love and the Matador

First, please understand that I do NOT support bullfighting in any way! It is inherently one-sided and not in favor of the bull! That said, there is a certain grace and skill and beauty in the way matadors move in and around the bull from which we can learn something about communication and relationships!

The more confident and certain one is about one’s own viewpoint (matadors are VERY confident about their abilities to deal with a charging bull), the easier it is to remain oneself while listening to the opinions of others even when they differ from our own!

 

It is really important that when someone is trying to communicate with you, you make it safe for that person to advance his or her ideas and opinions toward you without you being worried, resisting or stopping that communication for fear it might not be something you want to hear. Listening is more than hearing and the first step toward understanding is to duplicate what the hell the person is trying to say!

Two important points worth mentioning:

Point #1: Because one understands another person’s viewpoint, does not mean that one necessarily has to agree with that viewpoint!! Very important! These are two different things!

Point #2: These suggestions assume that the conversation is RATIONAL! That two or more individuals are actually trying to communicate in a rational way. If someone comes at you with a knife as his or her method of “communication,” for God’s sake, stop or otherwise handle the situation, or run like hell! When I say, “rational,” that does not include emotionally-charged, inflammatory outbursts and reactive behavior, because most often no one is “home” who’s actually communicating or listening or trying to understand!

There is NOTHING to fear from understanding the viewpoints of other people. And the first step toward that understanding is to be willing to receive a communication without fear. Given that life is lived in cooperation with others, it would seem to be a pretty important step toward living an abundant, fulfilling life to be willing and able to understand others, don’t ya think?

Another thing, for a matador to live very long, he must live in the moment–not on past bullfights–or he won’t be able to survive the bull in front of him! Same with talking with others. Making it safe for people to communicate is also more likely to result in being listened to when it’s your turn to voice an opinion. How cool is that?!

The word, “empathy,” is very good, but it still emphasizes “understanding.” It’s just that before understanding, there is still the need to “get” what the person voiced or actually meant. If the person in front of you says, “Cats are great!” and you “got” (thought) that he said, “Bats are great!” you might “disagree” to something because you didn’t “get” what he actually said!

When it appears you didn’t really get the concept expressed, you have an opportunity to clarify:  “Did you say ‘Bats are great?'”  Then you can, at last, understand enough to agree or not! Do you see how that works?

Improving one’s skills at receiving ideas without assuming the outcome (not being in the present), will greatly help you in all your relationships, personal and professional, including when you need to communicate on challenging subjects! Mondo important!!

Bravo!!

Yours in love,

Tanii