Talking Divorce Before the Wedding Could Save the Marriage!

I know, “What the hell is she talking about?! How on earth could talking about divorce, especially before the wedding, possibly save a marriage?!”

When you go on a cruise, one of the first things the ship’s Captain has you do is lifeboat drills. No one really expects their cruise ship to sink, but knowing what to do beforehand, lets everyone sleep better and enjoy the cruise without the added stress of  “what happens if…?”

Me and my main squeeze last year. On February 28, 2017, we celebrated our 31st anniversary. He still calls me his “trophy wife!” OMG!

 

Same thing with talking about divorce before saying “I do.” Planning for failure is not exactly a topic most couples want to discuss while also planning their wedding–“It’s so negative!” And yet, knowing what might constitute threats to a marriage–along with solutions for same–may actually be the best insurance for preventing divorce and the “what happens if…?”

Early on in our relationship, Charley and I had that talk. Through our conversation, we discovered what each of us considered real threats to our marriage and then came to agreement on how best to deal with those issues in the unlikely event they occurred (sinking ship). We were being analytical about a potentially emotional subject, which is easier when you’re “in love” (don’t attempt if either of you is upset or angry)!

Planning for failure works for any long-term relationship, personal or professional. In fact, one of the best examples of how effective it can be involved a business contract that Charley and I needed to sign before we began a project many years ago. Everyone involved came together to go over all the ways this project go off the rails or issues to be dealt with along the way–and what to do about those instances. It took a while to work it all out, but from that point, the project ran like clockwork, smoothly and without drama. And since everyone on the team had been in agreement on solutions from the start, when something came up the solution already envisioned and worked out beforehand was easily and quickly implemented! It was one of the best working arrangements Charley and I ever undertook. And when the stress of how to solve problems was handled with pre-thought solutions, doing the work and creating our product became a real joy!

We are each and all imperfect people; we make mistakes. Life is both beautiful and messy. So it’s important to take control of what we can since things happen in life which we can’t control or predict. What we can control is how we respond. And the more we know in advance of how to deal with the inevitable upsets, issues and problems life throws at us, the better prepared we are to face and deal with them, since we’ve already faced and dealt with them at least in part.

More on this subject in my next post! Stay tuned and if you like what I have to say, tell your friends!

Yours in love,

Tanii