This past Saturday, February 28^th, Charley and I celebrated our 28^th wedding anniversary! The time has gone by so quickly, mostly noticeable by how much the kids and grandkids have grown. Simon and Amy were only four and two when we got married; and Josh, just 18. Now they’re all grown up and leading productive, plentiful lives of their own with their own families and friends. Charley and I are truly blessed.

Both of us had work commitments last Saturday—at least up until noon. Then we took off, driving around old, familiar neighborhoods in Santa Clarita, all the while talking about how we were going to create our lives from this point forward. How we’re going to fulfill as yet unfulfilled goals and dreams, recommitting ourselves to supporting each other’s games and passions!

Kissing our way to New Mexico on a road trip in December to visit our son and his family!

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I did a radio show last Saturday morning. We had a great time! One of the questions that came up was did I believe that a person has only one soulmate or more? Great question!

Just as we have several or many good and even “best” friends throughout a lifetime, I believe a person can have more than one soulmate—someone with whom we share a profoundly close connection on many levels; someone who knows us without having to know a lot about us; someone committed to our happiness and fulfillment and who takes joy in our accomplishments, large and small; someone with whom we take comfort physically—after all, love relationships are different and beyond being friends!

 

My horses, Bazan and Miata.  I don’t know that they are soulmates, but they are most definitely best friends!

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Here is the list that I promised you in part one!

• How much do you and your prospective mate want each other to succeed, both professionally and personally? Do you each rejoice in the other’s happiness, even if it is achieved through individual rather than mutual effort?

• How much do you contribute to each other when solving problems? Can you each be constructive in offering advice, without the need to demand the other “Do what I say!”
• Are you both 100% committed to the relationship? Are you both willing to work through the inevitable issues that come up in life? Do each of you take 100% responsibility for what happens in the relationship? This is not to deny individual responsibility, but to require that both people are 100% committed to working out solutions.

Charley and I at Mt. Bonnell in Austin early this year when we went to visit our wonderful daughter, Amy.

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In my conversations with people, a routine question that comes up is the importance of knowing—and liking—yourself as a fundamental step in finding a healthy, loving and lasting relationship.

While that is true—and something I stress—at what point do you know yourself well enough to feel confident that your choice of a mate today will reflect who you become in the future?

 

 

Do we not evolve and grow over time? Do we not discover things about ourselves to take us to new heights? Might our needs and desires change? For that matter, might experiences “teach us” that we are no match for what life throws at us, causing us to become less than what we once were? Would our choice of a mate today be the same choice of mate for our future selves?

Again, the question becomes: At what point do you know yourself well enough to feel confident in your choice of a life-partner and creating a relationship that will stand the test of time?

 

My cat, Milo, demonstrating a little too much self-reflection.

 

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