Monogamous or Polyamorous?

Not a subject I would have expected to be writing about! But I was directed to an online article by a woman who said she had come to realize that she was in love with two men at the same time. The article—well-written by the way—was about her journey to unravel her feelings. Ultimately, she had sexual relations with both men—with each man knowing about the other.

While I am committed to a monogamous life—and enjoy it enormously—I also think it’s important to consider the viewpoints of others, especially when presented in an intelligent way, as was the case with this article. The woman was candid while not being sordid.

 

The key to any good relationship, no matter how many people are involved, is communication!

 

First, a definition: polyamorous means having sexual feelings for and/or relations with more than one person at the same time. In her article, the author says she and her mates communicated a great deal, on the subject of their relationships, but also on other aspects of their lives that are important just as two close friends might share.

That they all communicated openly—rather than sneaking around—I believe contributed to their relationships lasting as long as they did (and perhaps still do). That said, the author’s contention that it’s in our DNA to be polyamorous is not supported by evolution except perhaps in hindsight. After all, we cannot “test” the theory of evolution by doing it again because we can’t repeat it!

What can be said is that people do better in the company of other people rather than in isolation, a conclusion arrived at in a recent study from the Brigham Young University which cited that mortality rates are higher in people living alone or in isolation.

But whether such relationships are workable, long-term, or not, I have observed that when individuals in any kind of relationship—mono or poly—veer off into betrayal, promiscuity, withdrawing communication, secrecy, failing to keep agreements, they will find a way to end the relationship, if only to protect the other party from their own transgressions.

In other words, the end is neigh following such departures of decency.

In other words, the fundamentals that make good relationships good are still the same: trust, honesty, open communication, keeping agreements, kindness, respect, being oneself and allowing others to be themselves.

Though I disagree that polyamorous relationships are a richer and more rewarding lifestyle, I applaud anyone’s willingness to communicate and share viewpoints in an open and non-judgmental way. What is there to fear? There’s always something to learn!

Yours in love,

Tanii