Trust

We are all familiar with the expression, “unconditional love,” usually in association with an ideal way of demonstrating one’s love for another (or vice versa). It is certainly used to describe the love and affection demonstrated by our beloved animal companions. Your pet dog doesn’t care if you have body odor or can’t speak the King’s English. If you’ve been half-way decent, your pooch will still cuddle with you and look longingly into your eyes as if you can do no wrong.

And how good that feels!

Our dear Roxy! All 110 pounds of her! Unconditional love in both directions. We adopted her as an eight-year-old. So sweet and just a perfect fit for our lives!

All of that is wonderful, but the giving of love unconditionally should be conditional on who you up and give it to! Because if you choose the recipient of such unconditional love unwisely, you may get beat over the head with it on your way out the door (even if you’re the one staying while the other person makes his or her exit)!

And this all comes down to trust. If you’re like me at all, you see the good in people; you trust that they will be worthy of trust in their dealings with you. But if you fail to look for, see, recognize all of the person’s attitudes and characteristics, you will not only fail that person,* you will invite his or her failing you.

(I used to do this a lot. And the men in whom I vested all this wonderfulness, would indeed be wonderful–for a time at least–being propped up by all that admiration I was sending their way. Then the “rest” of them would show up–the parts I had not been willing to see. They, too, turned out to be poor matches.)

Unconditional love is for those who deserve it. How? By trying their level best to be decent and having everyone’s best interests in mind. We’re not talking perfection or some unattainable ideal. We’re just talking about working at it a bit more than temptations might otherwise direct us.

We once had a dog: a great little dog of high breeding, intelligence, and so cute (and bloody expensive)! But our dear little boy had a mind of his own, which too often ran counter to Charley’s and my needs. So despite all the organic foods, herbal supplements, training, care and sumptuous lifestyle we gave him, he could not be trusted with unconditional love because the cost of giving him free rein meant we were always waiting for the other shoe (or paw as the case may be) to drop.

It wasn’t that he was a bad dog. But our selection at the outset was not based on the realities of our lives and needs. We only saw the good in him. We were, in essence, “in love” with him, throwing all caution to the wind and common sense out the door. Does this sound like relationships of a different kind, hmmmm?

At some point, I knew it was either him or me; we were not a good match, certainly not for the long-haul. We ended up finding him a dream home where he could be himself but with people whose needs and lives were compatible with him. By contrast, our dear Roxy is a perfect fit for Charley and me and our lives. She is deserving of and gets our unconditional love as she gives it to us.

Please, before you give yourself “unconditionally” to someone, know them well enough, deeply enough to know that they will honor their commitment to you. Make sure that person is worthy of your trust. And on the flip side, make yourself worthy of that person’s trust. It’s definitely a two-way street (not an original thought, but one that is worth repeating).

Yours in love,

Tanii

* You don’t help someone who treats you badly by condoning that bad behavior. If you care, insist that the person become more ethical, not just for your sake but for theirs, as their bad behavior will lead them to eventually do themselves in.