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Breaking Up is Hard to Do!

Even when it’s the right thing to do.

My second marriage ended with my husband forcing me out of our home. He didn’t physically push me out the door. Instead he said such demeaning and disparaging things to me that leaving was the only choice if I was to retain what small amount of self-respect I still had. So with great bravado and anger (“I’ll show you!” sprinkled with a few cuss words), I stormed out taking with me what few possessions I could fit in my small car.

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When I came back the next day to try to fix things—for the umpteenth time—I discovered that he had had all the locks changed and moved his girlfriend into “my” house! Devastated doesn’t begin to reflect how I felt. Several months later, he told me—somewhat tearfully—that I was better off without him in my life and that forcing me out was, in his view, the best thing he could have done for me. How sweet! Though not feeling very gracious about his considerate actions on my behalf, I came to realize that he was absolutely right!

Arguing… not fun!

It may sound strange, but I do not hate this man. That I wasn’t facing the dismal facts of our marriage—and taking action on my own without his “help”—was no compliment to me. Notwithstanding how stupid I was and how unceremoniously he gave me the boot, our splitting up was ultimately the best thing that could have happened to me because it forced me to face the realities of my life that I had so long avoided.

And by now having to solve my problems, I was empowered and strengthened, and had more confidence in myself. These were good things, and lessons that helped me manifest my soulmate in the weeks ahead.

This does not mean I’m going to call my ex up and thank him for throwing me out! Honestly, I’ve come to look at the things I did to provoke him into sending me packing. It’s hard to do—to look at that level of personal responsibility—when clearly I was the better person in that situation. But I’ll tell you that I found a few things!!

Life is not always just or fair. And it certainly can be painful, emotionally, mentally and/or physically. But such “adventures” in living, while awful at the time, can be the impetus for making needed changes that would not have otherwise surfaced as requiring change. It’s called necessity level. When it gets jacked up, you don’t have time to think about all the reasons you’re not up for the task. When there is no time to think, you just act and when you’re done—and after you saved the day—you discover that you are, indeed, a better, more capable person. And someone of whom you should be proud!

Don’t avoid life’s challenges or adventures. Be brave. Seize the moment. Discover your true greatness!

Yours in love,

Tanii

 

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