Solving the NFL Problem, One Player at a Time

Yes, the culture of the NFL needs a douching (I can say that—I’m a woman). But while everyone is talking about change at the top, let’s look at what can be done to change the behavior of individual players who are out of control because that culture—or their families and friends—didn’t take them to task early on.

Grandson, Jax, just turned one year old. Both his parents are athletic and enjoy sports, so there’s a good chance Jax will, too….maybe even football. I hope that by the time he does, he is surrounded by images of sports stars who set a good example off the field as well as on.

To be sure, a change in the culture of pro football (and other big-money sports) is needed and long overdue (no duh)! And certainly a good place to start would be setting an example at the top. But the solution to changing the culture in the minds of the players who’ve been allowed to get away with pretty much anything, will likely require a radical shift in thinking on how to affect that change. And a good, if counter-intuitive place to start, would be to make those players RIGHT about their anti-social/alleged anti-social behavior. You heard me. By helping the Rices, Petersons, McDonalds and Hardys discover what they believed to be right about their actions—in the proper setting and environment—one is actually giving them an unlikely opportunity to take responsibility for those actions, make appropriate amends and to elect better and more ethical choices in the future.

This is NOT about condoning abuse and anti-social behavior no matter how justified! Nor is it about ignoring a person’s familial history of related abuses. It’s just an observable fact that the more you point out people’s faults, the more likely they are to feel compelled to repeat those bad actions, if only to prove how right they were in the first place. There seems to be such an innate need to be right that one might suppose being wrong is tantamount to a mini-death of one’s identity, of one’s person. And when people are pressured into confessing bad acts—as well as pressured into adopting more sociable behavior—it’s just too easy to slip back into old habit patterns when the pressure is removed or when no one’s looking.

It’s important for justice to move forward with due process to stop abuses where they exist. But without rehabilitation of individual responsibility and personal integrity, any apparent improvements in the culture will be short lived until the next battered child or elevator incident.  And a good place to start the process of a more lasting cultural improvement would be to help individuals get rid of their compulsions to assert how right they’ve been in the face of flagrant destructive actions. Lasting change only comes about through self-determination and the freedom to choose between good and bad actions. And the freedom to choose well depends on the individual’s understanding of his view of what was right about wrong choices. Lacking freedom of choice, one is forever at the mercy of external pressures to be good.

I used this approach with sex offenders at an out-of-state prison many years ago. And it worked well with my kids when they were dishonest about homework. The size of the offense doesn’t matter. When people are given the opportunity and encouraged to be honest and forthright, they can more easily take responsibility for their actions and are happy. When people areallowed to continue dishonest behavior, they are unhappy. On the whole, people know deep down when their actions and inactions have violated some moral code or betrayed a trust. And when they do act in this contrary manner, they will find ways to penalize themselves—to self-correct—with or without assistance from anyone else.

BY LETTING SOMEONE CONTINUE TO DO THINGS THAT ARE DESTRUCTIVE TO OTHERS, ONE IS HASTENING THAT PERSON’S DEMISE MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY, SPIRITUALLY AND PERHAPS EVEN PHYSICALLY.

Which brings us full circle. Those involved in NFL leadership need to get beyond profits, egos, and concerns about public relations to realize that they are either contributing to the solution or contributing to the problem. As such, they are just as susceptible to the consequences of their actions or inactions as those whose lives they’ve affected. (Call it karma or reaping what you sow; life has a way of meting out justice one way or the other without regard for what jersey one wears.)

They too could benefit from discovering what was right about the choices they’ve made for which they are being made wrong so vigorously in the press and by the public. The concept applies to them as well.

Take away: PROFESSIONAL SUCCESS AND PERSONAL INTEGRITY ARE NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE! With a little effort, one can have both!

In case anyone with the NFL is listening….CALL ME!

Yours in love,

Tanii